Overcoming fear in our life is one of the biggest obstacles that stop us doing everything we want to do. Some fears are rational and some are irrational...all need time and effort to overcome. I thought I would share my experience of learning to drive, firstly how I was able to overcome the fear and also to show that no matter what you want in life if you persevere you can obtain it.
I first started to learn to drive when I was 18 my first ever lesson being in the snow! I had probably around 10 lessons. The one evening I did my first ever reverse around the corner, unfortunately I put my foot hard on the accelerator and went straight around the corner up the kerb and into the hedge! My instructor wasn't impressed and told me I would never be a driver. So I gave up learning.
Over the next 10 years I did have another go with a couple of instructors but gave up after a few lessons thinking that I would never be able to do it. A good friend of mine bought me vouchers for BSM for my 30th birthday so I decided to try in an automatic, with less to worry about surely I could do it. Alas again after spending many hours in a car park trying to bay park I gave up.
The life changing event in my life happened when I was nearly 40, I met an instructor who asked me if I could drive. When I said no he asked me why, and my reply was that I could not do gears or reverse. His reply to this was... so what disability do you have? If you have no disability then there is no logical reason why you can't do it. So I arranged a lesson with him on the premise that I would only sit in the car on the first lesson and not actually move it. At this stage I had a fear of even turning the key in the ignition. Of course the first thing I did on my lesson was drive the car...and this was the beginning.
Over the next 6 months I had many ups and downs. Some lessons were awful and I would email my instructor and say I was giving up and that I couldn't do it anymore. He would always reply by saying see you next lesson!! At this stage I still believed that I would never pass a test. I had a year of 2 lessons a week and more or less exactly one year after starting lessons with him I had my first test. I remember it as if it was yesterday, I was taken over a big flyover which I had not driven over before, I remember looking up the ramp and thinking how the hell am I going to get up there....so I put my foot down and in doing so broke the speed limit...and failed test number one.
During the next 6 months I had another nine tests so ten in total. Seven of them I failed for reversing around the corner too wide. I remember very single test in detail and every single examiner I had. A couple of my tests were harsh and there were a couple I thought I had passed! When it got to test number eight I had enough and was prepared to give up. My instructor advised me to take a bit of a break as my tests were all so close together, probably 3-4 weeks apart. So I had a couple of months break. Came back to do test number nine, which was for me the worst of all my tests. I had so many silly mistakes. It was then that I decided I have to keep at it and put in for another test as soon as I got home. Test number ten was two weeks later.
Test number ten was no different to the previous nine. I woke up feeling sick and nervous. As test time approached I got the shakes. Through all of my previous tests I had no control of the adrenalin rush in my system and the physical effects it had on me. I could not stop my legs from shaking when reversing. Anyway I did this test, a reverse around the corner, and yet again I took it wide just like all the other tests. We get back to the test centre and the examiner says its good news you have passed...my reply was, no I haven't I reversed wide around the corner, I've failed again! I think it took a good few minutes for my brain to register I had passed.
The feeling I had when I passed was total numbness, I didn't believe it. Going to bed that night and waking up the next morning with the realization that I would never have to sit another test was one the most amazing feelings of my life.
I had put myself through torture during my tests, torture which I had no personal control over. No matter how I tried and what I did I could not stop those feelings on the day. For me taking ten tests is the best thing that could of happened to me. Every single one was a lesson. I have now been driving for four years. This year I have driven to the Lake District which is around 700 miles away and full of mountains and to Wales twice. In fact I have driven over 25,000 miles in just over a year....and love it!! To anyone who has a fear of learning to drive....you can overcome it. Determination will get you there...no matter what your fear is as long as you want it bad enough you will get there....if I can...anyone can!!
*** I wrote this article in 2012, it is now 2015, I wanted to update my situation as I am now proudly able to announce my new career as an Ambulance Driver, and have been doing this for the past year***
It was August 1977, I remember it well as it was the year Elvis died. We decided to go away to our normal coastal holiday. My Dad had died 6 months previous to this and the month before my mum had a life threatening operation for a burst stomach ulcer. She had most of her stomach removed and was told by the surgeon she may live up to ten years after the operation. One morning we were all in our bungalow when a little old gypsy woman came into the kitchen, she was carrying a bundle of heather. She first spoke to my Mum and asked her if she had recently lost her husband. She also told her one of her children was causing her lots of problems at the moment, which was true. Lastly she said she would live until she was 92, I remember thinking at the time that she had this wrong as the hospital had told me Mum the month before that she would only live for up to ten years. This lady then put her arm around me, she said that I would always be happy, I would meet someone tall dark and handsome that would change my life forever, and he wouldn't be my husband. She also told me that I was one of Jesus' chosen people....she then left. I remember my Mum saying this lady had guessed and it was all a load of rubbish....but I never did, I remember every single bit of this 'visit'.
Througout my teens I would talk to Jesus and I knew he was always there watching over me. During my twenties life took over and he faded into the background, however that all changed when I had hypnosis three years ago and was able to meet him. I truly believe everything this gypsy lady had to tell us, and I also believe she was sent by my Dad to reassure me that I wasn't going to be left without my Mum.
Today has been spent at the hospital with my 90 year old Mum. It reminded me of what happened when I was 11 and I thought I would share it here. Whilst I sat by her hospital bed I had the spirit of this gypsy visit me, she had the most beautiful gentle energy, was so warm and loving. She reassured me today just as she did all those years ago. If ever you are given anything from spirit, treasure it, never brush it aside....and remember there is always a reason. This one has stayed with me for many many years!
** I wrote the above post in 2012, I wanted to update this page and let everyone know that Mum passed away September 2014, in her 92nd year!
St Trillo's Chapel ~ North Wales ~ May 2013
St Trillo's Chapel is the smallest chapel in Britain and was built in the early 6th century. It stands right on the shore of Rhos-on-Sea in North Wales. The altar stands over a natural water spring which was founded by Saint Trillo. The chapel has seats for just 6 people.
Spirit at Nent Hall, North Pennines ~ Easter 2013
I wanted to share my experiences I had at this hotel during my stay in Cumbria. The hotel was built in 1738 by a local miner and is situated close to the highest town in Britain, Alston. As well as mining lead he had the good fortune of striking silver too!
I was woken on my first night by a figure standing in the corner of the room, it was a lady with brown wavy hair dressed in what I would describe as a maids uniform. As i watched her she disappeared from my view. The following morning we spoke to the manager who told us that a couple had seen the same lady the weekend before.
That evening with the help of the manager we decided to look around with divining rods and see if we could sense any spirits around. Well to be honest we did not need the rods!! Spirit was in full force, I was able to feel spirit, so much so that I felt a strike to my head and was overwhelmed by the experience. I believe the spirit was George Wilson who lived in the 1800's. During our investigation we were joined by a local lad who works in the hotel, he too could sense the spirit activity.
I am now in the process of searching the internet for any information about past events at the hotel, i believe there is a story to be told :)
Would love to hear from anyone who has stayed here!! Please contact me xx
Commitment ~ Monday 04/02/2013
loyalty ~ trust ~ love ~ honesty
This word is prominent for me this weekend so I thought I would spend some time thinking and writing about it. I firstly thought of some words that might go alongside commitment and came up with the following, loyalty, trust, love (maybe) and honesty. For me personally these words are all very important in the way i live my life as I believe you treat others how you want to be treated yourself. Now when it comes to commitment I tried hard to think of the things I am committed to. Of course the first and easiest thing is my children, without a shadow of a doubt my life is committed to them first and foremost. Secondly I would like to think I am committed to the rest of my family, I have special friends that I would also place in this category and If I have said I would do something with them, I consider yes I have committed to doing it. Another area is of course my studies. Studying from home you have to be committed to it, otherwise it is so easy to give up. There are probably lots of other things that I am committed to including people, places and events.
So why does this word cause problems for some people? If we look at loyalty any commitments made with the absence of loyalty will appear to be nothing but hollow, empty promises. Trust, without it no relationship can survive, its a mutual thing that works two ways. Honesty, again the most important quality any other human being can possess. About expectations, hopes, fears, being open about these things. If you are dishonest it is classed as betrayal, it is that simple.
Under the umbrella of commitment lies the foundational blocks of all relationships, friends, family and loved ones. It is not a word to be feared, a commitment to any thing in your life is something to be rejoiced and cherished :)
2013 is about to start
Embrace the magic in your heart
The fairy sparkles her shimmering dust
All you need is to love....and trust!!
H A P P Y N E W Y E A R
I have been inspired by a friend to write this. Every single thing we do in life happens for a reason. We often ask ourselves 'why me?', why do things always happen to me. The reality is that you need to look for the positive as to why it has happened, or even before the experience if it is something you know you are not going to enjoy then ask yourself what is it that i can gain from this experience. Learning to enjoy every experience and not getting caught up in the drama of the situation will make you much more aware of your own self.
Every day, every situation is an experience...embrace that experience and listen to your inner self!! Thoughts, imagination and emotion will all affect how you have an experience...remember this and take a moment to think about it before the experience happens...and most of all enjoy it!!!
'Twas a new feeling - something more
Than we had dared to own before,
Which then we hid not;
We saw it in each other's eye.
And wish'd, in every half-breath'd sigh,
To speak, but did not.
She felt my lips' impassioned touch -
'Twas the first time I dared so much,
And yet she chid not;
But whisper'd o'er my burning brow,
'Oh! do you doubt I love you now?'
Sweet soul! I did not.
Warmly I felt her bossom thrill,
I press'd it closer, closer still,
Though gently bid not;
Till - oh! the world hath seldom heard
Of lovers, who so nearly err'd,
And yet, who